Living in Loudoun's Bubble
Do kids need to live in urban areas to understand “real” life?
I recently went on a girls’ weekend with friends from college. One is now a single lawyer living near the U-Street corridor in Washington, DC. Though her neighborhood is one of those deemed “hip” and “up-and-coming” by real estate agents and yuppies, last week two people were shot in their ankles in a gang ritual just a few blocks from her townhouse. With the topic of living conditions on our minds, we chatted about an absent friend’s recent move to Charlottesville, VA.
“I don’t know,” my lawyer friend said. “It’s weird to live in such a bubble. That kind of suburban living just isn’t real life.”
“We don’t all have to be shot in the ankles to experience real life,” I retorted. I guess I’m pregnant and irritable. I didn’t apologize. And pregnancy probably has nothing to do with my behavior.
She brought up an issue that sits uneasily with me. I grew up in a dangerous section of Prince George’s County, MD, right next to southeast DC. As a child, I understood that if I heard noises sounding like gunshots, I was to stay away from the windows. That wasn’t paranoia – a high school classmate was killed in our school parking lot, an innocent bystander at a robbery.
Fast forward 15 years and I’m raising my kids in the safest place I can find. My kids are not going to live through the terror I experienced on a day-to-day basis. They will be more like their rural community-raised father, who eagerly looks outside “to see what’s going on” on the rare occasions we hear a loud “Pop!”
But, are my kids going to be missing basic life skills? Is it preferable to hide under the kitchen table every time a car back-fires, or to break out the binoculars during a drive-by shooting? I don’t know.
I’d rather make this suburban life my family’s reality. I’d rather my kids hear stories about mommy’s old days than have to experience it firsthand. And, I’d rather believe the worst consequence of my kid going to school every day is a broken heart, teasing or a sports injury.
Part of me regrets that my kids will miss out on frequent field trips to DC’s museums, street-based common sense and other perks from my childhood. But, we’ll go ahead and stay in the bubble of Loudoun County.
Mike Rand
8:53 am on Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I have lived in San Francisco and Dallas Texas, in the urban areas before it was cool. I finally retreated to the suburbs when I finally had my own children. Real Life is not daily gunshots, 7-11 holdups, class warfare or substandard living conditions. How can my children be raised to see all points of view if they are hidden behind windows with bars and closed blinds? Healthy children need air, parks, walks, neighborhood friends and friendly competition. We chose the DC suburbs because we have ample access ( 30 minutes) to city and rural experiences to expose our kids, at our discretion. I dont find it healthy to explain playground gunshots to a 3 or 4 year old. This all comes with the responsibilities of the parent to ensure their child understands they live in a safe haven and to take full advantage of that. I would also challenge anyone, including my gay friends in DC, who say that Loudoun is non diverse and reclusive. Demographics and census results are clear that we are much more diverse than DC. Now we do manage to get along better out here, and isnt that really what Im trying to teach my children?
Nicole Skuba
2:21 pm on Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Hi Mike,
Thanks for the comment. I think you hit the nail right on its head. Healthy children need to explore their world without fear. You bring up another point that I may address in another column. A lot of my DC friends have made the jab at Loudoun County's diversity. I didn't realize that it's more diverse here than in DC. I'll have to research that. Interesting...
Paula
8:21 am on Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thank you for your insightful article. I've often privately lamented that I am raising my children in a bubble. Sometimes, the suburbs feel like a cultural wasteland, especially when compared to where my niece lives at Dupont Circle. The truth is, while I do find D.C. more vibrant and interesting, my priority is to provide my kids with the safest, healthiest, happiest childhood I can. Loudoun County isn't perfect, its definitely had an uptick in some serious crime. But it still feels safer to me than downtown. Fortunately, we live close enough to the city that we can take advantage of its fantastic museums, festivals, and other attractions. Our home base, though, will remain right here until our kids finish college and who knows -- thanks to increasing employment opportunities, perhaps long after that.
Nicole Skuba
9:28 am on Thursday, June 2, 2011
Hi Paula,
I know what you mean about the bubble feel. I used to sometimes call my Broadlands neighborhood a Stepford community with its planned trails and perfect landscaping. Then, I realized I loved that the worst things I saw on the ground during my walks were occasional dog droppings. Not so in Dupont Circle. But, I digress. There are definitely pros and cons to each location. DC has a special vibe that can't be found anywhere else in the world. Luckily, we've got the best of both worlds by being so close (in my opinion)!
Marylyn Haspel
4:07 pm on Thursday, June 2, 2011
This is an interesting piece, Nicole,, and I can tell you from personal experience that you are totally doing the right thing. I moved into a gentrifying area in Brooklyn 23 years ago (Fort Greene) and realized , probably not soon enough, after having my home broken into and my car vandalized every week that it was not an environment I wanted to bring my son up in. And, by the way, there are no bubbles anymore--drugs, divorce, alcoholism, and crime proliferate in the most comfortable and privileged of bedroom communities, too.
Nicole Skuba
9:36 pm on Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thank you for the comment, Marylyn. You're absolutely right. There aren't true bubbles anywhere. Violent crime strikes everywhere, but the rates are definitely lower in most suburbs than in the cities. I figure I'll hope the random, anonymous crime will be minimal here and I can focus on drugs, mental illness, binge drinking, bullying, sexual assault, and the long list of other issues that are still rampant.